talk about highest of highs and lowest of lows. my god man, get a grip!

I have been in a sort of hibernation state… my sprit does this to process all that has gone on in my “human” existence.. and is able to start anew. I feel the breakthrough coming very very soon.. and I will be in my power once more. patience my dear…

I have always been keenly aware of time moving past me. My earliest memories include knowing my time here was limited… and being so astonished why those around me were wasting time. My juvenile mind of course, had a different definition of what a valuable way to spend time was, and that has changed at each stage of my life. 

Today-  I woke up at 4am, cooked breakfast and cleaned it, had my coffee and put in a few more hours of study time before leaving at 8am, and took a final… I came home to a house that has not been cleaned in 4 months, and a lover that was sleeping since 10pm the night before. I decided to let him sleep because he’d been sick and up for 36 hours previously.

The sense of relief I expected to feel upon arriving home and feeling that freedom of all I have accomplished and all the free time I would have; didn’t happen. I tried to enjoy the television. I tried to take a nap. Nope…. I MADE myself take it easy today. Even though, my thoughts were taken over by what I could be doing, what needs to be done, what I could be learning or reading about (for fun, this time), I could be working out, climbing walls… playing with my dog or planning my cousin’s wedding, finding theater to go see. etc etc etc… you get the point. 

After a failed second nap - I went into the kitchen …. I looked around me and I was SO THANKFUL. After reading this post, the word thankful would seem counterintuitive.

But, I find myself SO thankful for my curiosity about life, people and the world around me. I’ve never been busier. Ever.. and my life has never been more mine than it is right now. All of my busy days, I long for when I get a break. But now that the break is here… for half a day…. I need to do something! I feel like I’m wasting time if I just sit there…. not engaged. 

black-tangled-heart:

Brooke Shaden

• The Untamed Passage
• The Lion And The Lamb

I must remember to shine on my friends. successes and failures does not make the person. 

This little light of mine… you finish it.

yes you can. always.